I rarely post personal stuff or stories about my life. However, these past couple months have brought some great experiences, and I thought I’d share some of things I learned with you. I spent the past four weeks getting up early and going to my ballet studio to spend around three or four hours dancing. I danced every day, Monday to Thursday.
I danced and did push-ups and sweated and worked. I am far more physically fit than I was then, but strangely enough, the experience was far more than physical. It was, surprisingly, a little bit spiritual.
I’m going to tell you how this past month affected me, and what I learned.
Just a background sketch, so you know what happened. I danced with two amazing ballet teachers, one who is very nice and one who pretends to be mean, but who is really fantastic. I danced with two amazing jazz teachers, both of whom are nice, and one of whom is maybe a little bit crazy, but still nice.
I spent my time with the girls I have befriended, and girls I have only been mildly acquainted with, during the past three years I have spent at this studio.
After I danced, I would go home, plank with my mom, shower and study. My days were packed, and I didn’t get nearly as much studying done as I would’ve liked to. Still, I feel that this experience was extremely positive.
How did it change me mentally? Well, for one thing, I was able to release some of the baggage I’ve been carrying around. I learned a little better how to let things go. I learned how to get along and be friendly with people I don’t really like as well. I was able, through exercise, to let go of things which depress me. It’s startling how good I feel after I do sixty four jumping jacks without pausing. I also feel more ready to start working on my goals, and more ready to study after I’ve exercised. I’ve been able to do well, and to understand that I am doing well.
It also has helped me to be more self confident, to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t worry what other people think of me very much, but I do have a tendency to think of myself as not pretty, not smart, and not good at anything, though I am not ugly, quite intelligent, and good at several things. I have been able to conquer a bit of this mental self-belittlement. I have been able to see that I am where I am, and that where I am is good. I can try to do better. But I’m not bad because of where I am.
I lost probably an inch or more from my waist. I haven’t measured, but I know it. I also am far stronger than I was, and far more aware of what my body can and cannot do. I have impressed myself with my progress. I also feel so much better. Much more in control, much more alive, much more worth something. Much more able to say ‘Domine non sum dignus,’ and mean it, but still able to see that God wants me, and that I can try to be more worthy, even though I’m not.
These past few months have been, I feel, extremely important for me. They’ve been a sort of turning point, where I’ve started to see where I want to take my life. The experience I’ve been describing to you has showed me that I can want things for myself and do things for myself, and be following God’s plan every inch of the way. I’ve been able to place events and people in God’s hands and not worry as much. I’ve been able to find a little more peace with my soul.
I can’t say that I have become perfect, or that I have eliminated all sin and rebellion from my life. I can’t say that I have suddenly started loving everyone or being humble and entirely unselfish. I am still too proud. I am still too selfish. But I have made progress, and for that I am very grateful.
I am also grateful for how amazingly patient my Saving God is, and for the fantastic, holy people who have been placed in my life.
I feel so much more prepared to face my life right now.
I know I will face setbacks.
I know I will sometimes fail.
I also know, that God willing, if I try, I can succeed.
I have begun to be more satisfied with where God has placed me, and more able to thank him for everything. I have found joy in serving the Lord, and that is, right now, all I could ask for.
I’ve still got a lot of studying to do. I still have a lot of progress to make before I find my way to the Celestial City. I can’t see where the road ahead of me leads. But I have his word for a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. And that makes me feel very good indeed.
It’s been amazing, and I’m so glad I could tell you about it. Please pray for me, if you are a praying person, that I will work even harder and trust God and submit to him more. If you aren’t a praying person, I’ll pray for you. If you are a praying person, I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you all for sharing in my journeys with me. Thank you for your encouragement, and for being there. I really appreciate it. You are wonderful, fabulous people. God bless, and have a beautiful day.