Let me say goodbye

All is silent and night is fading.

Dawn is coming, all is ending.

My heart slows the beat

I walk on with weary feet.

All things must pass, well I know

But I don’t want tonight to go;

you’re leaving now, the world should slow

and let me say goodbye.


Watched Lord Of The Rings for the forth (fifth?) time with my brother, and I’m now experiencing the feeling that movie always leaves you with, like your heart is breaking and becoming whole at the same time.

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Storms

Storms

Are not necessarily loud and roaring

sometimes

they are muffled.

Stifled in

painfully

with concentration crushed into your chest

like crushed glass

and kept inside

by dint of will

although everything in you screams to let it out

but then people don’t understand it anyway

they tell you it’s okay without understanding

what ‘it’ is in the first place

because it is you

{parts of you anyway}

{all the parts which say}

{go away}

your self-doubt

your loneliness

all your pain

which is best hidden

so you don’t hurt anyone else.

Maybe

it

would

be

better

if you didn’t exist

at all.

Intellectually you know that’s wrong

{of course}

but intellect doesn’t stop you from hurting.


Sometimes I write when I have feelings and they just spill out. It makes it better.

Christus Adventus

Christus Adventus–Christ arrives.

If you live in the city, or out in the country, or somewhere else, you probably have seen the Christmas lights and trees up already, and you’ve probably already heard Jingle Bells enough times to want to strangle the person who wrote it.

And if you realize that it’s not Christmas yet, that it’s not even Christmas season yet, you are in the minority.

It isn’t Christmas season yet. It won’t be Christmas season until January, because you get twelve entire days of Christmas and then a whole month of celebrating in January before Christmas season ends.

If you know what I’m talking about, you’re probably Christian.

It was a tradition in the Church for the longest time and still today that the season of Christmas ends on the second of February. Christmas doesn’t begin until the twenty fifth of December in the United States.

What season are we in? Advent.

Advent is a preparation for Christ. It’s a time of making straight the paths to our hearts, of rooting out sins, of giving to those less fortunate than ourselves. It’s a season of penitential prayer, not a season of celebration. But it seems like the entire world has forgotten that, and it’s so very hard to focus on preparation when everyone is acting like Christmas is already here.

People are so focused on the shopping and the ugly sweaters and the family reunion and everything else that they completely forget about Advent. I forget about it too, I confess. I get up to do my school and get to dance and do all of the regular things and my mind just skips the fact that it’s Advent.

‘Prepare ye the way of the Lord,’ yeah. I forget to.

Even focusing on the true meaning of Christmas doesn’t get us in the proper direction, not always.

so how?
how, again, do i prepare the way of the Lord?

Well, if I only realized it, it’s not a deviation from my everyday life. Instead, it’s just doing a little extra. It’s in the prayers I say every morning, where I can insert an extra prayer for God to open my heart wide enough to let Him in. It’s in the Saint Francis Prayer I love so dearly. It’s in my daily duty of math, where I can quietly do it in a timely manner and not complain. It’s there in cleaning up after my little sister for the seventh time today, if I don’t yell and speak softly to her instead. It’s there in living my life.

God doesn’t ask us for impossible feats. He asks us to do little things. Saying an extra prayer for world peace every morning isn’t much. Talking to someone who doesn’t know about Advent isn’t much.

Doing our duty isn’t much.

It’s how we’re doing these things that’s important to him. If we’re doing it because we have to, it doesn’t do much for us. But if we do it for God, then the value of these little every day things suddenly skyrockets.

So prepare ye the way of the Lord. Do the little things. Get your heart nice and open, so Jesus Christ can enter on Christmas Morning, because he really, really wants to.

A Walk in the Dark

Otherwise entitled, actually sort of autobiographical, for once.


How easy it is

To get turned around in the dark,

Wandering through rows and rows

Of cookie cutter houses

And uninteresting street signs.

Trees stretching naked arms skywards

Towards the cloudy sky;

Dark clouds the color of faded navy turtlenecks

Scudding across the hoary winter moon,

Pale and weary.

Wind cutting through jackets

Biting ears and cheeks to the color of cherries

So that part of you is too warm

And the rest is too cold.

Feet sore from walking and activity

From earlier in the day

On your feet all day

Not very pleasant, especially barefoot

With nothing to support your arches.

Though you aren’t really lost

You aren’t really sure of your position,

So that it is variable

Where you are

Although you will get somewhere sometime and

Not panicking, really.

But it’s really quite nice

To find a familiar street again,

Guided by neon lights of a familiar storefront,

(a funny sort of will-o’-the-wisp)

And wander down old familiar streets

With bluish streetlights and brighter yellow

Lights

From porches

And then to find yourself at your door—

Not entirely sure how you got there.

Because it’s quite easy to get turned around in the dark

Walking through rows upon rows

Of cookie cutter houses

And uninteresting street signs.

Still More For Kicks

Nathaniel:

-too pure for this world

-big eyes

-pretty lil angel

-mischief though on anyone he is not related to by blood or covenant basically

-just as good with girls as Darren, but really doesn’t know it

-charming eye brow raises

-heartbreaker grins

-one single unsymmetrical dimple in his left cheek

-the glances with Brynn which yell ‘inner joke’

-nose rubs only with His Favorite Girls

-perfectly timed hugs for everyone though

Julian:

-eyebrow wiggles

-unexpected humor

-gentle forehead kisses

-the sweetest dad

-but dad jokes though

-still sticks his tongue out the side of his mouth in concentration when he’s almost fifty

-gambles unlikely things like socks and rocks with his children

-plays cards with his children and loses to the one who’s having the worst day on purpose

-sweet tooth

-the kicked puppy look

-which still works on his wife after four kids and more than twenty years of marriage

Even More To Make You Laugh

Otherwise entitled Because I have no time to write proper blog posts and I’m sorry!

By the way, Brynn and Arden are best friends, and Evelynn, Darren and Isabelle are Brynn’s siblings. Cassiopeia is Brynn’s mother.

Cassiopeia:

-total mom

-sings terribly, knows it, but does it anyway at the top of her lungs

-is not impressed. Ever.

-gives the best hugs

-such a professional

-the ‘really’ look at maximum power

-Champion of The Literal World

Evelynn:

-so done with everyone all the time

-that kid who was IMPOSSIBLE as a kid but somehow grew up to be Wonderful

-loves uppy hugs until she’s far too big (thirteen)

-ladylike coughs

-the ‘I hate you all’ look is always a good look

-“Ladies cannot start fights” (old gentlewoman) “Be sure to introduce me to a lady when you meet one” (Evelynn)

-the ‘burn’ remark

-diplomatic silences

-acerbic

More To Make You Laugh

Isabelle:

-murder face

-‘y’all can go to heck’ and then tips her hat THAT politely

-femme fatalle extraordinaire

-insults

-high heels

-The Best

-Protective Big Sister 2.0

-totally does a Lizzy Bennet and falls in love with the too-perfect guy she hates

-girl power for the win

Darren:

-hair ruffles and soft punches rather than hugs

-Perfect Hair

-drama queen over the top all the time

-confidently hits on people For his Awkward Siblings BECAUSE THEY WON’T DO IT ON THEIR OWN

-90% sarcastic eye rolls

-dances phenomenally

-does NOT know how to deal with the innocent little girl he falls for

-too fabulous for you or anyone else for that matter

TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

Character sheets for the book I’m writing. ‘nuf said.

I’m doing Nanowrimo and so am quite absent, but I thought I’d let you guys read the hilarious stuff which is my characters.

Arden:

-so pure

-so soft and gentle and good with his friends

-But If You Are His Enemy

-You haven’t got a chance, start running right now

-seriously scary if you have something on your conscience

-so faithful and loyal

-beautiful really

-awkward sometimes though and has no idea what to say

Brynn:

-Big Swords Are The Actual Best

-amazing with kids

-lowkey dying inside all the time

-sarcasm

-literally helps everyone and is so nice all the time

-the eyebrow raise tho

-always in pain

-needs so many more hugs

-total boss

-awesome as heck

-so gentle though

-introvert who shows nothing to the world

Vitamins

[or pure sarcasm]

[or pure exhaustion]

It seems to me that vitamins

Cover up a load of sins.

Like when you yawn and didn’t sleep

Energy vitamins awake you keep.

When it’s cold outside, oh dear, oh no

There are multivitamins in case of snow.

And when you find yourself in a sneeze

You can use immune vitamins as an excuse

To avoid taking that terrible cold medicine

That tastes like eternal punishment in Hades

A purgative of unimaginable power, I imagine

You get a free pass after taking cold medicine.

I still prefer tea.